Are You Hard on Yourself?

Today I had an interesting session with a new client. Her mother had passed away and it was interesting how the first message that came through loud and clear to her daughter was...
"You are really hard on yourself. Don't be. You are doing a great job of raising your two children all on your own with no support. Know this."
Wow, I learned so much from this statement as well. Often we are hard on ourselves as women aren't we? We feel we just don't do enough, do it fast enough, or good enough. We are hard on ourselves! Why? Well, maybe the rest of her session will help us to understand why...
"You need to love yourself, that will provide healing that will in turn help you to have healthier relationships. Knowing intellectually that you are a talented, loving and good person is not enough. You have to feel it too. Start with ALLOWING yourself to love yourself just as you are. Know that you are ENOUGH just as you are right now. Then will follow a new language of self-talk that will transform from HAVING to do things to WANTING to do things to knowing you WILL do things. What things? Loving yourself and also equally important, RECEIVING love from others."

Enough said...I remind us all we are here to love, learn and witness one another heal.

Do YOU think for yourself or do you let OTHERS do it for you?

Wow, what a day! I started the day doing what is most important...making sure my kids were fed and had lunches made and drove them to school. Later, I had a wonderful conversation with my mother-in-law which helped motivate me to start exercising again after being sick, I really appreciated it. Then I got to thinking again about how I love discussing a variety of topics with my friends and pondered how just through our discussions it could also lead to new possibilities and maybe even new careers for some of us. As I researched on line the definition to some of the new career choices and the how to's of becoming trained in other areas it got me to wondering...why do some people believe that only a church can decide who and who can not become a priest, a pastor for example? Once upon a time, only men were ordained. The decision makers of the church at that time firmly believed that was God's will as made known to them. Later, you find church policies have changed and now women are ordained as well. Now anyone can go on the internet as well and receive a liscense to become a Reverand. What I have learned is to be careful when you make your choices in life and when determining what it is you want to do. Ask yourself...did you think this through for yourself? Or did you let others think it through for you? Who knows, in 10 years they may have a different opinion or belief on the matter. Be wary, when people use the 'authority of the church' to substantiate their decision on what is correct or incorrect for you to do with your talents, abilities and interests. Honestly, look at yourself and realize that if YOU have the talent and ability after education or experience to perform a specific task or service then isn't that proof enough it was given to you from a higher source? Something to think about and to ponder. Don't be afraid to think...and know it's okay to do so!

I heard Dr. Phil once say...

I heard Dr. Phil once say on the Oprah show that if your keep your feelings stuffed down....eventually they will come back up.  Just like a beach ball you try to shove under the water it will always bounce back up.  Well, I thought I was processing my stress in a healthy way however, I was not paying attention to what I was doing unconsciously!  I admit it is embarresing to share with others, however, if someone else can benefit from my mistakes then it was worth the pain I endured.  It was a Friday afternoon and I started to eat and watch television at the same time.  Who hasn't?  However, I had something on my mind and rather than expressing it and admitting it was a problem for me I started eating.  And eating, and eating...before I had even realized it I had eaten so much I became sick!  Now I will spare you the details, but let's just say that often from painful experiences we can become much wiser and prepared for when the future repeats itself! I can laugh now, however, I wasn't laughing at the time.  I finally realized after a wonderful discussion with a close friend what my lesson learned was all about.  In life we have all types of friends. Some we do business with, some we entertain with, some we share spiritual or religious experiences with and some may be our partner when we work out at the gym.  The point is we have a variety of friends that we share many parts of ourselves with and sometimes it may not be in our best interest to share everything with one person.  What if they do not share your core beliefs?  What if your spiritual beliefs are different?  That's okay.  They are still a friend sharing what is special and unique about them.  Life is a beautiful thing, if you are really paying attention you will learn something very special from all your friends and all you interact with, and for that I am very grateful.

Are you feeling STRESSED?

I received an email today about a lady teaching a class on stress management.  It was rather enlightening!  Paraphrased it goes something like this:

ASK NOT if the glass is 'half empty or half full?'   Instead,  ask how heavy is this glass of water?  And know the absolute weight doesn't matter! It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. That's the way it is with stress.   If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practice. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night, pick them up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment. Relax, pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now 'supposed' stress that you've conquered!"

When You Ask For Help...

Did you ever stop to think that when you have the courage to ask someone for help it may in turn help them too?

Last night, my phone rang.  Even though it was late at night I felt it was important that I take the call.  A young woman had seen my website http://www.healingbeginswithin.net/ and was asking for a session.  I immediately sensed she was having a really hard time and from the bottom of my heart with the same concern I have for my own children I asked her, "Are you okay?"  She responded in a now tearful voice, "I'm not doing too good right now".  I so felt her pain and so wanted to help.  Second to being a mother and wife I knew this was why I was here...to help others.  I listened to her tell her story that is unfortunately all too common for so many.  She was newly married, had a young child, and now was in the midst of a painful separation.  The exact details are not what I want to share, however, what she was feeling and the thoughts and emotions she was feeling are important and need to be shared.  She felt very sad, alone and afraid.  Her heart ached.  I understand.  Many of us understand and can relate.  I let her know many important things.  First of all, as human beings we all make mistakes.  As result of those mistakes we gain experience.  And more importantly as result of the experiences we gain knowledge.  This knowledge then in turn results in wisdom.  Wisdom  so as to enable us to love better, give better, live better and enjoy this amazing experience we call life!  I remind us all, that's why we are here!  To live and learn and witness one another heal.  Her last words to me were, "Thank you so much, I feel so much better!"  And I want her to know she made me feel good too!  Whenever, we extend love and our heart to others the result is wonderful.  So...please never be too afraid to ask for help, because when you do, don't be surprised if you end up helping somenone else too!

Healing Begins Within: Let's Talk About Understanding

Healing Begins Within: Let's Talk About Understanding: "While out for dinner one evening I met some wonderful people visiting for the weekend while attending a convention in honor of the Vete..."

Let's Talk About Understanding

While out for dinner one evening I met some wonderful people visiting for the weekend while attending a convention in honor of the Veterans who served in WWII.  I thanked the gentleman for his service to this country, adding that due to him and many others who have served and currently serve, we enjoy freedom of religion and speech in this country.  He began to reminisce about what a confusing time it was for our country during WWII.  His wife lovingly reassured him that he personally had done his best to support our country and how we are all so thankful for that. 

Any time there is an attack and a corresponding defense, the result is sometimes war! Whether it is among nations or among one another in our personal relationships.  And what is missing? Understanding.  When was the first time you felt anger? Can you remember as a child? Visit that time and now look at the situation with wiser and more understanding eyes.  Now travel forward quickly to the last time you remember defending yourself after a  verbal attack from someone you knew, (was it just yesterday?) can you respond in your mind with understanding as opposed to defense?  Look at the situation from all perspectives and feel compassion. Can you forgive?  When understanding is our goal in any given situation, the result is no longer war, but peace.  No longer is there fighting, instead, there is cooperation.

We continued to talk about people and life and why some manage well during difficult times and others do not.  Their son who was also traveling with them mentioned a friend of his who had lost his wife many years ago and was still suffering from the loss and unable to move forward and enjoy his life.  I explained that in the work I do I've learned there are often 'blocks' and ‘beliefs’ within ourselves on many  levels that may prevent us from doing so.  Did you know that Science is now merging with Spirituality and thus has a better understanding about our human bodies and minds and has discovered that healing takes place on many levels, not just emotional and physical alone? Often our ‘beliefs’ that reside within us may not allow us to move forward in our healing! Removing these disenabling beliefs and replacing them with loving and healthy beliefs  results in a ‘shift’ enabling an individual to move from grief to  joy, from low self-esteem to healthy confidence, from a place of lack and failure, to a place of fulfillment and prosperity. 

Thank you Ed and Fran for sharing time with me at dinner and reminding me of the blessings we enjoy as result of living in a country of religious freedom; because it means so much more that that…it also means Spiritual Freedom and the opportunity to evolve.  It means we understand that our failures are not really failures, they are lessons learned!